Much has happened and then nothing

Morning,

I went to see my consultant in early October and we both agreed that it was pointless X-raying me over and over again as my lung was not going to recover as they thought. I'm left with a good left lung and a rigid right lung that doesn't expand properly and a cavity that fills with fluid.......sigh

Life carries on and everyone expects me to pick up where it all went wrong. Back to normal working life. Back to repitition.

sigh

New flame

Oh the complaining one could do

The fighting for whats right and changing things for the better.

However.....Is this a totally futile venture?

Will my tiny wee voice be heard above the corporate's subwoofers. I very much mother fucking well doubt it people. This is because change only happens once a blue moon or in the movies. Whole HR departments will not change unless thousands of people suffer at the hands of these incompetent dicks.

Also, is it worth pursuing any type of claim against Mr Consultant 1. The same chap who would say week after week. "Lets just see how you go"........(Hmmmmm.....I'll be going straight into a fucking coffin if I stay under your care.)

Making a claim against Consultant 1 would drag my family out of the debt-chasm we are now firmly wedged in thanks to being sick for 12 months.

Then there is the other hand. What about the karma......you know bad KARMA!

Will a claim against Consultant 1 bring lots of nasty karma my way. You must understand that I have had enough bad luck to last me a freaking century so I am keen to avoid it.

To many decisions to make and too little time.

I do have something to keep me occupied though. An old love. A new love.

Things are going to be different

what a surprise

Benefits grind to a halt. I wait for payday. I'm desperate as we are totally skint.

Hang on....Whats happened here?

Many phonecalls and episodes of tachycardia later....nothing.

Finally someone from a distant office calls me.

Under paid by over 500 quid!

Nice one. Lets add it to the pile of blunders.

Long term plans

I'm back at work. Its my own doing. I had an appointment with my physician and the poor bastard had been sent yet another 15 page document to complete on my progress. I told him that, in a nutshell, I was tired of fighting with the powers that be to remain off work until I felt I was able to return.

I agreed the date of 1st August and I started back on the 4th. The irony is that I started with a cold on the 1st August so I came into work with my first infection post surgery and Occ Health interviewed me before and felt quite happy that I was fit to work. Ordinarily....if all this shit hadn't happened its the type of cold I would have called in sick for.

I have plans though but they are the long long term.

This isnt my life!

70731

2 posts in the same day...............fucking hell!!!!!

Anyone would think I am having a drama.

Got a letter which I opened a couple of hours ago. It was from the DWP( Dept of Work and Pensions). They have reviewed my case of being "ill" and feel that I have been "ill" long enough now and because I am not bleeding out of my eyes I should get promptly back to work and stop taking the piss.

Strange that because the only people I think are taking the piss are everyone else that I have had to deal with and fight with to just FUCKING RECOVER.

What do I have to do?

How ill do I have to get before someone gets off their fucking official high horse and actually sit and read or just FUCKING LISTEN to what a normal young healthy person has gone through. I dont want pity. I just want a little bit of fucking respect for being ill and dragging my physical and mental health through one of the scariest moments of my life.

Its a complete joke. I even spent time whilst i was in hospital, hooked up to drips and chest drains and morphine and catheter bags and epidurals - on the fucking phone calling work, calling DWP calling to sort out money, forms, payments ....anything to make sure our family was financially secure

Just a number ...thats all we are to every fucking business in the world. Just a fucking number ....not a person with feelings and a family.

Plod... Plod... Plod

OK...well I still remain off work which I am glad about. I visited the consultant last month and although I was tired and still suffered with pain I didn't reckon I was going to hear the words...

"Oh dear"..... your Xray appears worse and you either have another pneumonia or a huge collection of fluid on the lung".

FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

Off I go to emergency CAT scan which thankfully thankfully thankfully was more promising and indicated that I did in fact have a collection of fluid(pleural effusion) but it was modest. The good thing about this is that Dr didn't feel we needed to drain it off......which means NO FUCKING CHEST DRAIN PEOPLE. This pleased me no end.....because i fucking LOATH chest drains. The pain is unspeakable.

I gets another checkup in a few weeks and also in another month. One by the surgeon and one by the physician and then fingers crossed I can start thinking about returning to work.

This means this entire drama is encroaching on a full year.

Pity

How hard is this?

I had my chest drain removed 4 weeks and a nurse was at my house asking why I couldn't return to work.

I visit occupational health and they ask why I cant return to work.

I speak of exhaustion and pain and nobody listens. I take painkillers and try so hard to get my old life back and I'm left exhausted every day.

I have so little money that my card is declined and we can't afford much and resort to buying secondhand stuff and picking things up in backstreets.

I am backed into a corner as per usual. I had an infection that I had been fighting for 8 months and an abcess that was close to killing me if it wasnt found and removed and the insurance company don't listen and expect me to return at the beginning of June.

I will just need to give up and go back to work and wait until I catch another fucking chest infection and then I will be off again.

Je ne drama pas

I travelled all the way to Cheadle a week ago. Its a long drive but a well known one. I saw my surgeon, who is fantastic, and he was thrilled with my progress and so happy that my recovery has been uneventful. Doesn't need to see me at all now but as i was a special case he requested another follow up in July....just to see how I was getting on. I handed over a bottle of red and some Grasmere Gingerbread and I thanked him and thanked him again and that was it. Lovely lovely man.

Since then, Ive just pottered about. I find that if I stop my painkillers I feel like SHIT and have to immediately take some. Tramadol does indeed ROCK but unfortunately is as addictive as FUCKERY so one has to be careful.

On Friday morning, I was doing my usual morning routine of Facebook, hotmail, news and possibly postsecret and got an I'M from my good friend up in Edinburgh. She had invited my work(piss-up) buddies for a girly weekend and they were travelling up straight after work. Wouldn't that be lovely I thought and good friend said "why don't you come"........hmm shyuh......like i can get sorted in a couple of hours and well I'm ill and still recovering or maybe I'm just making pussy excuses and just scared of stepping outside the county for fear of a relapse. S was reading over my shoulder and was quite sure that this would be a perfect break and I should absolutely go.

So go I did.

My fucking word. What a completely exhausting hysterical emotional doss we had. What a crazy fucking weekend, which we then extended a further day into the BH ....just cos we fucking could.

LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED IT and I'm pretty sure it changed me somehow.